Ferengi Rules Of Acquisition

001: Once you have their money, you never give it back.
002: The best deal is the one that makes the most profit.
003: Never pay more for an acquisition than you have to.
004: A woman wearing clothes is like a man in the kitchen.
006: Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.
007: Keep your ears open.
008: Small print leads to large risk.
009: Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.
010: Greed is eternal.
011: Even if it's free, you can always buy it cheaper.
012: Anything worth selling is worth selling twice.
013: Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.
016: A deal is a deal.
017: A contract is a contract is a contract… but only between Ferengi.
018: A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.
019: Satisfaction is not guaranteed.
021: Never place friendship above profit.
022: A wise man can hear profit in the wind.
023: Nothing is more important than your health… except for your money.
027: There is nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman.
031: Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother.
033: It never hurts to suck up to the boss.
034: War is good for business.
035: Peace is good for business.
040: She can touch your lobes, but never your latinum.
041: Profit is its own reward.
044: Never confuse wisdom with luck.
045: Expand or die.
047: Never trust a man wearing a better suit than your own.
048: The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.
052: Never ask when you can take.
057: Good customers are as rare as latinum. Treasure them.
058: There is no substitute for success.
059: Free advice is seldom cheap.
060: Keep your lies consistent.
062: The riskier the road, the greater the profit.
065: Win or lose, there's always Hupyrian beetle snuff.
074: Knowledge equals profit.
075: Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of latinum.
076: Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies.
079: Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge.
082: The flimsier the product, the higher the price.
085: Never let the competition know what you're thinking.
089: Ask not what your profits can do for you, but what you can do for your profits.
094: Females and finances don't mix.
095: Expand or die.
097: Enough… is never enough.
098: Every man has his price.
099: Trust is the biggest liability of all.
102: Nature decays, but latinum lasts forever.
103: Sleep can interfere with your lust for latinum.
104: Faith moves mountains… of inventory.
106: There is no honor in poverty.
109: Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.
111: Treat people in your debt like family… exploit them.
112: Never have sex with the boss's sister.
113: Always have sex with the boss.
121: Everything is for sale, even friendship.
123: Even a blind man can recognize the glow of latinum.
125: You can't make a deal if you're dead.
139: Wives serve, brothers inherit.
141: Only fools pay retail.
142: Only fools sell wholesale.
144: There's nothing wrong with charity… as long as it winds up in your pocket.
162: Even in the worst of times, someone turns a profit.
168: Whisper your way to success.
177: Know your enemies… but do business with them always.
181: Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.
189: Let others keep their reputation. You keep their latinum.
190: Hear all, trust nothing.
192: Never cheat a Klingon… unless you can get away with it.
194: It's always good to know about new customers before they walk in your door.
202: The justification for profit is profit.
203: New customers are like razor-toothed gree worms. They can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back.
208: Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than a question is an answer.
211: Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success. Don't hesitate to step on them.
214: Never begin a negotiation on an empty stomach.
217: You can't free a fish from water.
218: Always know what you're buying.
223: Beware the man who doesn't make time for oo-mox.
229: Latinum lasts longer than lust.
236: You can't buy fate.
239: Never be afraid to mislabel a product.
242: More is good. All is better.
255: A wife is a luxury… a smart accountant a necessity.
261: A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience.
263: Never let doubt interfere with your lust for latinum.
266: When in doubt, lie.
271: You can't free a fish from water.
284: Deep down, everyone's a Ferengi.
285: No good deed ever goes unpunished.

Unofficial Rules

The unofficial Rules have been quoted on screen, but either were not given a number, not explicitly stated to be a Rule, or were not part of the generally-accepted canon by the Ferengi Commerce Authority.

286: When Morn leaves, it's all over.
299: After you've exploited someone, it never hurts to thank them. That way, it's easier to exploit them next time.
???: Exploitation begins at home.
???: When the messenger comes to appropriate your profits… kill the messenger.
???: Time, like latinum, is a highly limited commodity.
???: Always inspect the merchandise before making a deal.
???: Money is money, but females are better.
???: Why ask, when you can take?
(The unwritten rule): When no appropriate rule applies, make one up.

Zek's Revised Rules

001: If they want their money back, give it to them.
010: Greed is dead.
021: Never place profit before friendship.
022: Latinum tarnishes, but family is forever.
023: Money can never replace dignity.
285: A good deed is its own reward.

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